Tug of War

NBA Playoffs, Battlestar Gallectica (don't knock it till you try it!), work, Facebook, Mahjong, etc, etc...these are things that I choose to spend time doing instead of spending time with the Lord.

If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago what spending time with the Lord looks like I would have said "It's when you get your journal and your Bible out and read and reflect." The period at the end of that sentence is so important. Is that really where it ends? Is time with the Lord supposed to end after your 30 minutes-1 hour?

A few weeks ago, I told my home group that my prayer life sucks. I didn't even know where to begin. Our leader said that it may help to think about how I approach the throne of God. Do I view Him as holy and worthy of my time and affections or do I view Him as my genie in a bottle (and I gotta rub Him the right way...right...?). Since that day, I started just praying that God would radically change my view of Him so I long for Him. He has already started answering that. It's been pretty hard and sobering, but fantastic and beautiful at the same time. He's been teaching me the importance of confessing. This past week, there have been two things that the Lord has been showing me that I've been harboring and becoming bitter about. The Lord has been teaching me the importance of confessing and bringing these things to Light because God's victory has already overcome those things.

With these things in the Light, I can now experience freedom from them. I'm still praying that the Lord will take away my guilt I still feel and make me truly believe that "there is now therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1).

So, what does time with the Lord look like? It's a daily, minute-by-minute humbling of self before the Almighty throne of God asking Him to renew my mind and heart and continue to sanctify me and conform me into the image of His Son. Easy, right? Pshhhh...it's not easy. There are constantly going to be worldly, evil things pulling and vying for my attention and I have to ask the Lord for wisdom, strength and discernment to overcome those things. What's even more beautiful is we don't only have a God that will give us strength to overcome these things, but "we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Heb 4:15).

It's because of this High Priest that we can "with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive grace, that we may find mercy to find grace to help in time of need." (Heb 4:16). This Lord and Savior is sympathetically wooing and calling me to Himself daily. Am I listening? Am I ready to turn off the TV, shut the computer, turn off my phone and let Christ wrap the truth and the grace of the Gospel around me and allow me to confidently approach His throne? Are you?

I can't say, by any means at all that I'm a pro at this. I am learning, I am begging, I am seeking, I am failing, but I am redeemed and seen as holy through Christ's redemption alone! With that, I can freely walk in obedience and boldly approach Him and find mercy and grace in time of need!

"Name's Rango"

Vinnie and I went to see Rango last week. It was OK. The running theme was Rango trying to find his identity and he kept asking the question of "who am I?" WARNING THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT (kind of): it ends with Rango being able to choose his own destiny. Yikes.

Can you imagine if we were really able to choose our own destinies?? I'd probably be a college drop-out, living somewhere in Asia, jumping from job to job to job trying to live a "spontaneous life". It would be a train wreck.

So, this brings a question to my mind, "who am I?" The Lord has been revealing to me more and more lately how many things I seek identity in that aren't Him. For example, driving a standard. Recently (I mean really recent...THREE DAYS AGO) Vinnie and I went down to one car, which happens to be a standard. I've never driven a standard until now. I had ample amount of practice with Vinnie in the car and then when we went to one car I had no choice but to drive alone. The Lord used this to reveal to me a lot of the idol of approval in my life. It's so prominent that I even crave the approval of people on the road that I don't even know! If I screeched the tires or almost stalled out I immediately looked around to make sure no one was laughing at me. Why do I care about them? Why do I care what they think? Why do I feel the need to be perfect at driving a standard??

It's because I crave satisfaction in approval instead of in my new image. I was reading today Colossians 3:9-10, "...seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on a new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator." What amazing, great, humbling News! I am no longer enslaved by my need for approval, my need for wanting to be "perfect" (whatever that means), but I am free in my NEW IMAGE in Christ. When God looks at me He no longer sees the filthy rags, but He sees perfection and righteousness through Christ and all of His splendor. That's so much more life-giving and meaningful than driving a standard without screeching tires. Because of Christ I can laugh at those things and drive on!

So, "who am I?" I am Kimberly Kruger Casanova, daughter of the Prince of Peace, the Giver of Life, the Creator, the Graceful Lamb, the Mighty Lion, Christ on High.

Why blog?

Today I had a thought. I look at so many blogs but I myself don't blog. I follow friends, mommies, church leaders, missionaries, great recipe-posters, but I don't write anything! I kind of felt like a creeper so that got me to thinking, I would love to write a blog.

I would love to have a blog when we have kids so I can have a place to post funny stories, pictures, videos, etc so that our children can go back when they're all grown up and see their life as we see it. I figured I should start now so that when we do have children I don't have to add "become disciplined in writing a blog" to the list of things to do that includes "learn how to be a Mommy."

To answer any curious questions, no. I'm not pregnant right now. I'll let you know when I am :)

So, on goes the blogging. We'll see what happens with this!